reboot

Hi.

I made a New Years resolution.  I mean I've been thinking about my blog for awhile, and how much happier and more focused I was when I was writing it...but then I made a resolution.  And I think if I start back up here, that is going to help me out with my resolution.  Which is to be focused.

The last time I was focused I lost about 80 pounds.  I had a great emergency fund.  I had a really strict budget and an organized home.  I didn't have direction though.  I think 2014 was my year of finding direction.  It sounds stupid to say that because honestly I didn't FIND any of the direction until maybe December or so.  But my year was characterized by me trying to find direction.  And along the way I lost focus for everything else.  I gained weight and wasted money.  There's more but those are my two big ones.  So now that I know where I want my life to go, it's time to re-focus on the slightly smaller but still big and important things.

I think the last time I wandered back here was because of a new years resolution, now that I think about it.  I don't want to go back and look.  I suspect that the last time I wandered back here I had a life and a future that I still mourn for a little bit.  Which is crazy since my life right now is the happiest it's been in awhile, but I think we all mourn a little bit for the past.

Anyway I don't know how many people after four years of silence would still have me on their list but if you do hi and I probably missed you a lot.  I hope you are doing well and can't wait to catch up.

Happy new year <3 p="">

Birthday Binge?

I've been out of blogging action for a week!  Sorry about that.  Still doing well.  Still eating well, as long as we forget that Friday and Saturday happened.

But I don't really want to do that - see Friday was my birthday, and part of the wisdom I've gained in my 32 years is, if you want sushi on your birthday, go for it, pig out and enjoy every bite.  And maybe if you're still feeling like carbs and fried rice with fried salmon just go ahead and eat it the day after.  So between that and my super creamy tomato soup my calories were a little out of control!  I got it out of my system, back on track and as of this morning I was only up 0.1 pounds from Friday morning anyway.

Which puts me today at 205.4. Which means that since January 1 I'm down 12.6 pounds.  It also means that my goal to lose 20 pounds by June 1 is going well because I'm already down 4.6.

So as you can tell I'm feeling really good.  I just have been self conscious about writing/posting this blog at work, even on my lunch break, for reasons I'm not going to post in public.  And it's tough when I get home, normally I eat early and bike or skype or whatever, and don't think much about logging on to the computer and being coherent ;)

It's amazing what momentum can do for you though, really I have been feeling good and energetic every day except today.  Last night I slept badly, and by badly I mean 3 hours tops.  I have a feeling that I'll be in bed around 8pm tonight just completely passed out!!  Even so I'm glad I got up and got on the bike this morning.  It was really difficult but I felt great afterward.

Not much else to report.  I hope you are all having wonderful days!

Chicken Soup for...HEALTH

Hello!!

I hope all of you had a good weekend.  I did - I splurged a bit on Saturday - my friends made a Chinese New Year feast of deliciousness.  Veggie/tofu dumplings, green onion pancakes, and my friend Elizabeth made avocado deviled eggs that I found on pinterest and they were just SO good. I could have eaten about 20 pounds of food but in the end I didn't.

Yesterday was even better, as I went super healthy all day and made my favorite chicken soup - it's just low sodium chicken broth and every single type of vegetable that I love thrown into my slow cooker.  This time it was onions, onions, onions, cauliflower, broccoli and carrots.  And more onions (I really love onions in soup).  It's one of those things you can't believe is so low calorie and I love to have a small bowl of it before a meal, so I'm not tempted to overeat.

But that wasn't my highlight of yesterday. I got on the exercise bike, I had a little bit of tension to work out because I was...bidding on something on ebay. Don't judge, that crap is STRESSFUL for me!! But after I won the auction (woo-hoo) I still had all this energy.  I ended up working out about 55 minutes but at a really fast pace, definitely not my normal as-long-as-there's-movement workout.  I feel a little sore but a little more energetic today. It's nice to have good momentum, it keeps you going.

There was one point Sunday morning that I was texting my friend saying that I just wanted to cook an entire salmon and stuff it in my face with plenty of rice, but instead I had a nice lunch of a berry smoothie and chicken breast and raw carrots. And it felt better than if I'd ended up in a salmon and rice coma all afternoon - in fact at night he texted me telling me that he was glad that I stuck with healthy eating.

*Just to clarify, I don't think salmon is unhealthy - in fact it's one of my favorite healthy foods.  I just was craving a particular type of salmon dish that is fried with oil and a sweet sauce and I wanted to surround it with carbs.

Fruits and Vegetables

Just an observation: when you're trying to go REALLY heavy on the fruits and vegetables, it's hard to get enough calories.  I felt like I never stopped eating yesterday!  Although in the end I got about 600 calories of fruit and vegetables in - that's almost half my calories in that goodness :) feels great!

Hungry Hungry Kyoko

It's another hungry day.  My healthy food isn't cutting it today.  Maybe my metabolism is up or something because I am all off.

I didn't work out as much as I wanted to last night.  About 30 minutes in I got a really bad muscle cramp in my leg.  I stopped for a minute and massaged it out, stretched and went back to it.  It was ok for a bit but 5 minutes later it was back so I quit for the night.  Kind of sucked, but I hope tonight when I go back to it, that I'm ok again.

It amazed me how bad it felt to not get my full workout in.  I've been going between 45 minutes and 2 hours at night on my exercise bike.  The 2 hour workouts are really just me sort of lightly pedaling along, and the shorter workouts are a little more of a hardcore speed race.  I got into bed really disappointed and fell asleep earlier than I meant to.

And then today I've been SO hungry! Like stomach-growling hungry even though I've been eating! I think it's knowing all of this delicious food is waiting back in my house.  I went a little crazy last night at Grocery Outlet with the fresh fruits and vegetables.  I had like four bags just filled from the produce section, and then milk and frozen blueberries, and it just felt good to leave with only those things.  So what do I do this morning? Bring a grapefruit to eat?  A couple kiwi? Nahhh I forgot it at home -_-

Of course.

It's maybe a little silly, because we do get free fruit at work (and I have noticed free vegetables recently as well!), but short of stealing a bunch to take home with me, I find that it's easiest to get my own and start my day with some fruit or something fresh to go with those meal replacement shakes.

Hope you are all having happy healthy days :)

SUSHI.

I am craving sushi in the worst way.  And it's been too long since I've had it so I'm not craving a couple pieces of delicious and fresh salmon...I am craving like massive quantities of rice and fish and everything that comes along with it.

I managed to put it off for now - maybe I'll go next week.

I wanted to thank you guys for your clothes advice.  I did stop by a couple of thrift stores but found absolutely nothing :( but I did find a couple of kind of looser fit skirts in a smaller size that I think will look just slightly fuller if I lose a few pounds.

Meanwhile I can't seem to shake my desire for unhealthy food.  It's been a little while since I've gone out to eat and that's been really good for my health and my focus on losing weight - but the past couple of nights, and today, I am dying for some Korean bbq/sushi/Hawaiian food.  Basically I want rice rice rice and preferably some greasy chicken along with it.

I even sat down yesterday and did a meal plan - so I'm set knowing what I'll be eating for the next week, and groceries are bought so I don't have a chance to go out and have anything bad. I'll let you know how it works.

Sorry so boring today - I could go on, but believe me when I say all I'd talk about is...sushi. ;)

All Smiles

Maybe my problem is I just don't know WHEN to write.

If I don't get a blog out on my lunch break I just kind of let it slide all day.  Last night I got home, did a bunch of cleaning, had dinner, worked out, showered and crawled into bed around 9pm.  I didn't stop moving until then, and then I pretty much just lay there until I fell asleep.  It was nice.  I was down a little more this morning too, bringing my grand total to 8.2 pounds this year!

Today what is on my mind, is a friend of mine has been trying to come to the US for awhile.  He applied for a visa, went in for an interview and was told that it needed further processing.  A google search annoyingly brought back that often when someone has a Muslim name their visas are held up - I can't even get into that because it angers me but it is what it is.  It's been a tense couple of months for him, waiting and not knowing what was happening with his future (he wants to go to graduate school here in the states and become a therapist).  I woke up to a picture of his passport, with a shiny new visa inside! He got it, just today, which means he is free to start school in the fall.  I'm so happy for him, he is one of my very best friends and will actually be staying with me while he's here.  It's nice to have your future sorted out, at least to some extent, so I am all smiles for him and his good news.

Not to mention I'll be very glad to have a concert junkie in the area to go to rock shows with!

And someone to go on walks with, because I am a big scaredy-cat and I tend to exercise indoors especially in the evenings because I don't want to get caught outside alone in the dark.

That's been on the forefront of my mind today.  It's kind of keeping me floating amidst some bad news and bad friends. I've been doing my best to focus on the positive and for the most part I'm doing well, I just have to get rid of this little nagging headache but it's nothing another productive and calorie burning night won't fix ;)

Clothes Help

I have a serious question for all of you that have lost weight or are in the process of losing weight: what...the heck do you do about clothes?

I'm really cheap. I buy a lot of clothes on clearance and from places like Old Navy. So yesterday I'm looking at all the Old Navy clearance section online and thinking, I'd really like some of these long skirts/dresses for my trip...but wait, don't I want to be 20 pounds lighter?  How am I supposed to buy clothes for 20 pounds from now...especially when you don't really want to be counting your chickens before...that 20 pounds is actually gone.

My OCD gets in overdrive about things like this.  I'm sure any other plus size girls can understand, it's one thing to run to a mall and get any long black maxi skirt from any store if you're a size 6 but if you're rocking a size 20 butt there is no guarantee that you'll be able to find ANY skirt in ANY store.  What if I get up to a few weeks before my trip and everything everywhere is tank tops and short skirts that will turn me into a popsicle??

I figure my options are to buy things a little tight and hope that they still work, or to just deal with loose fitting clothing.  But I don't know what's best.  I don't really like loose fitting clothing.  My favorite pair of jeans are about 3-4 inches loose in the thigh area and as wonderfully comfy as they are I know I look kind of slobby and I get self conscious.

Anyway the point was to turn it to you and ask for ideas and advice and how you all deal with it.  Help!