Tuesday, November 9, 2010


When I started my current job at the end of July 2009 I was hired on a temporary contract.  I was desperately applying to any job that paid more than unemployment and not getting calls back about jobs I was way overqualified for and feeling all depressed.  So when a recruiter called me about the opportunity I jumped at it.  Being shy, new jobs suck (especially with everyone in my department being SO outgoing!!) and it was tough at first but as time went on I was so happy there and grateful when they decided to hire me permanently.

Today was our health plan fair thing and it left me thinking about last year's.  At that time, I had just been permanently hired, and the fair was a few days before my official start date.  I don't know how it goes at a normal office but here at our enrollment fair there's a raffle you can enter if you get some info filled out: body fat %, weight, waist, cholesterol that kind of thing.  And I was so embarrassed about it that day.  I just wanted my free Met Life Snoopy (Husbandcake has a thing for Snoopy!) and to go back upstairs.  This year was totally different and it's made me reflect on how far I've come.

In the past year, I have:

  • lost 41 pounds.  Forty-one.
  • realized that I can function as well as anyone else at a "real" job
  • learned how to change lanes on the freeway
  • had more encouragement and support than I've known what to do with.
  • shrunk my waist by 12 inches
  • worn "heels" 3 times - and yes anything over a half inch counts
  • grown a thicker skin...and I know that's relative as I'm the most over sensitive person alive but I'm a teensy bit better anyway!
  • gotten an average of 48 mpg in my Prius (better than advertised, I'm AWESOME!)
  • started eating healthier food
  • bought and worn pants for the first time in years
  • won a weight loss competition in my office
  • skipped cake on other peoples' birthdays 400 times...maybe not that many but it feels like I've overcome a lot cake-wise!
  • become a tiny bit more outgoing...
  • been inspired to find all of you beautiful people to help me along the way
You know most of those things have been a direct result of my job.  No - all of them.  Even the driving ones.  If it weren't for taking a job farther from my home that I was comfortable with I never would have learned that I could drive without being terrified.

I'm so happy that I'm here.  Everyone even coworkers know that I'm already ready to retire, I wouldn't lie about that.  I've been saving up and I know I'll never be the type to work my whole life - but as jobs come and go this one has been great, I wouldn't be as happy anywhere else and I was reminded of that today.  I also happened to have a moment to recall any of the things I dislike about my job today, it has its down sides and its negative aspects.  It was nice at the end of that though to realize it was my work-iversary and overall my life is better today than it was November 9, 2009.  SO much better.

And as cheesy as it sounds I hope that all of you are happier and better today than you were a year ago :) I'd love to hear about your progress too!

Anyway I wanted to share that and also even though yesterday was so busy I didn't post I did weigh in at 184.3 - a tenth of a pound down.  So I'm not losing a lot but STILL LOSING and still working hard!!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Tis the Season...

Hello lovely, lovely readers.  I hope that the morning was brighter and shinier for you than it has been for me.  I had one of those days where I sleepily instructed Husbandcake that I don't REALLY have to get in to work and he can let me sleep as late as I feel.  Usually those mornings morph into me angrily spending over an hour in traffic but luckily I got my act together and got into work on time.

Here is how I did yesterday:
Burned 2148 calories
Consumed 1897 calories
Deficit of 251 calories

Yuck!  But you know what, I got better as the day went on.  I really did.  And I'll be even better today.  No creamy soup!

The morning has been rough, I won't sugar coat it.  I went into the break room today to find Belgian waffles, eggs, potatoes, breakfast burritos.  I was so very, very tempted and had it not been for my two coworkers I don't know if I could have avoided it all!  In the end I took some strawberries to mix in with my grapefruit and it was delicious.  But then I thought about it all morning.  I'm about 15 minutes away from going to lunch and still thinking about it.  I don't even love breakfast burritos...I mean sure if they'd had really fabulous flaky looking quiche there, I'm not even going to lie, I'd take it.  But it's annoying to so desire something just because it's "forbidden."  Also it's annoying to keep looking back on something that was not even a big deal and happened hours ago.

Anyway I need your help looking forward today!  I need tips...tips tips tips.

Long time readers remember that I run a married girls group to meet other ladies as fabulous as me.  It's not specifically for married girls so much as it is for girls who are not into man hunting!  I am trying my hardest to host one event every month and for sanity's sake I love to host it in my own home.  Things like afternoon tea or cookie exchanges, that is the type of event that works out really well.  But we all know how much butter and sugar is involved in a cookie exchange.  What can I do that will take the place of a glorious celebration of girl time without breaking the calorie bank?  Or rather, where can I find recipes SO good that I'll only want to eat my own low calorie cookies and everyone else's fatty sugary creations can go to those ladies who are so lucky they don't need to be as strict as me!!

I have been tossing several ideas around in my head, it's tough that so many things revolve around food this time of year.  Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years (which for my family involves vast quantities of all my favorite foods)...I need to find a way to combat it and stay social.  Any and all suggestions welcome...including specific recipes...anything to help me out!

I know from reading other blogs that social situations can be so difficult. There are restaurants out there where literally nothing is low calorie. There are restaurants where every single salad has fried chicken and/or bacon on it. I know you can get picky, ask for it without this or with that, but at the end of the day being social and trying to lose weight can be really, really tricky!  Anyway as difficult as it is to eat out or have party food, it's kind of worse for me when it comes to not being social.  Husbandcake doesn't mind if I cheat on my eating plan.  He is notorious for not complaining when I want to cook pork ribs for him or go out to a steakhouse.  He also has not once complained about me baking too many cupcakes.  Other people (you included) hold me accountable.  I just need to balance that with a lack of...temptation.

Well go on then!  Think think think and help out your friend Kyoko!!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Oh Heeeeeeyyyyyyy

Hi friends.  My friends who are so sweet every time I post even though I never get around to it.

The big time-sucker that was our FABULOUS Candyland Halloween party is over.  I would love to say there are a billion pictures to post but I seem to have lost my camera.  I'm sure it will turn up and once it does you will all be able to see just how amazing everything was.

Of course my time there was a little dampened by my OCD which seems to be rearing its ugly side lately.  I just can't take anything frantic or any change in plans at all.  It sends me into an awful tailspin of...despair.  It's so difficult to go outside of my routines and for the past few months any deviation has meant hours of being angry or unhappy.  It doesn't work out well for my eating either.  I've been off plan in both food and exercise and have made several attempts (most of which you've seen here) to get back on track but they all just kind of fall away.  Also Husbandcake has been indulging my desire for eating out lately, I don't even want to tell you guys all of the awful things I've had.  Ok they weren't awful, they were delicious but just so high calorie.

But I'm saying goodbye to all that high calorie food because here goes another attempt!!  I am hoping I'll make it.  There's another Biggest Loser-type competition at work.  Not a big one, just a few people trying to use each other for motivation.  I hope it kicks in again for me!  They've already started walking again, but I haven't joined in as I have been sick all week.  Super sick.  It started out with a bit of a sore throat, went through the sniffles and runny nose, back around to coughing, and today I'm all scratchy dry throat.  I did go to work today, and I have been trucking through it.  I'm coughing a lot and all morning I attempted to space out my cough drops but it didn't keep.  I have an hour and a half more to go and only one drop left!

Anyway, with me and my sicky demeanor, I know the best thing to do is a lot of relaxing.  But if I give myself the weekend to really get better, I am going to be good to go Monday for a walk and a healthy lunch.  I've got to do it, got to find my motivation, got to take more of this weight off.  I know this...I don't know how the motivation has just flitted away from me.

All right, I do.  I'm having an issue with my shape.  I don't understand how I can be wearing a size large in dresses, and yet when it comes to trying on pants I can't even squeeze into a 20.  I have my one pair of jeans that I have grown to love and wear pretty regularly, but to be fair they're kind of...elastic-y at the waist band and at the end of the day, I still have to wear baggy tops because I feel really muffin-top-ish.  Any regular (read: non elastic waisted) pants or skirts that fit me in the waist are just huge for me everywhere else.  I don't know what to do about it and I feel so discouraged...the idea that even if I am wearing smaller dresses I am still wearing almost the same size pants really sucks.  And I know we can't possibly compare ourselves to one another due to height and body type...it's hard some days to hear people who weigh the same as me wearing at least 4-5 sizes lower than I do.

I would love to say I respond to this feeling with a nice ab workout (because let's face it I absolutely KNOW that all my weight is in my waist and I need to seriously target that area) but I've always been honest with you so I'll just say that more often than not I respond with ice cream or a piece of cheese.  All of my mental training has been undone and the idea of starting from scratch is daunting.  I think back to how I felt right after my little "detox" of eating organic vegetarian foods.  I felt so good and so happy.  Since then I made a two day attempt to try that again but the second day involved 3 sour punch straws and it was just all over.

Maybe I should go back to it.  Maybe I should let the abundance of Halloween candy in the office become a test to test how committed I am to this.  Maybe I should close my eyes and remember how far I have come instead of dwelling on how far I have to go.  Maybe I should go home and not let Husbandcake open another can of high sodium high calorie mega-noodle soup, because I know how easy it is to make my own low calorie chicken soup for making my sicky self feel better.

I've said before that every moment is a chance to do the right thing.  Today I've had grapefruit and orange citrus salad for breakfast, creamy butternut squash soup and half a sandwich, for lunch...a bite size Milky Way and a mini sour punch straw (what?? they're SO GOOD!! lol).  The day is not ruined, despite the fact that I'm guessing my soup by itself came in at over 500 calories...heavy cream being something around 450 per cup...and I have time to turn it around.  I've already been drinking hot tea most of the day, and water too.  I'm going to step up the water, have my low calorie soup for dinner and more citrus salad for dessert.  Get my vitamin  C up and my calories down.  I know I'm not ready for exercise or exerting myself as I'm still coughy and gross but I will do what I can to get myself better.

I feel better now...maybe not quite as hopeful as I'd like but better.  If I can make today a healthy day, tomorrow will be a little easier, Saturday a little easier and we'll work our way ahead just one choice at a time.

Friends, I hope my post finds you all well and wonderful!!  I have been somewhat keeping up with most of you (it's been tough) and once again I really hope to be back and more active here!!

I have a really random question to end on - is anyone else having an issue with Google Reader?  It's only showing 4 of the like ten billion blogs I subscribe to, and I can't get any of the others to show up...not sure what is going on there but if you have any insight I'd love to know!

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