Monday, October 25, 2010

Surprising Weigh In...

Um, hi. I feel like I start out every blog embarrassed that I haven’t blogged. I’m going to try something new…I’ll tell you now to not expect to hear from me, how’s that? Then you won’t be surprised when I haven’t posted in a week!

Here is how I’ve done the past week:
Burned an average of 2350 calories per day
Consumed an average of 1592 calories per day
Average of 758 calories per day

Do you remember when any deficit below a thousand was pretty much a failure? I do too. But barely. I have to have to have to start working out again. I know I can do it, I know I can go on a walk today at lunch even if it’s cold or rainy. Even if nobody else is, even if I want to eat something delicious for lunch instead of my salad (not that I don’t love salad, just that I’m using the last of a salad kit that just wasn’t so great).

So as long as we’re talking, let me tell you about my weigh in this morning.

Last time I weighed in: Who remembers, but I think it was around 187 and a couple of weeks ago.
This morning: 184.4 pounds

That number struck me as surprising. Yesterday’s meals involved diner breakfast (the coffee cake had butter melted on to it) to Chinese dinner (which ended in birthday cake that has crushed hard candy pressed into the frosting).  Between the salt, butter and oil I was pretty convinced I’d gained about 20 pounds. But this amazing and unexpectedly awesome weigh in is a SIGN. A sign that all is not lost, that maybe it’s not realistic to expect me to reach my 179 goal by November 1 but I can still do my best to get as close as possible! My measurements are looking good too, although I’ve spent the past few days feeling extremely uncomfortable about my shape. I don’t like the shape of less-obese me. I’m hoping that soon enough I will get to find out what non-obese me looks like, and maybe SHE will be able to buy pants at a non-plus size store.  Seriously people, I am like a size 22 on bottom and 12 on top.  How is that even possible??

Anyway, overall I’m very excited this morning. I’m drinking a lot of water, which I haven’t done in weeks, I’m skipping out on the coffee – even though coffee isn’t bad, my idea of coffee is practically equal parts coffee cream and sugar, which I don’t need. I am enjoying a delicious grapefruit breakfast, and I’m feeling good.

I hope you are feeling good too my friends :) and having amazing days, all of you!!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

36. 36!!!

Let’s try this again. TRY. I’ve spent literally every free moment lately planning for Halloween even when I’m thinking about blogging too. That sounds like a lot of Halloween but it’s not, I haven’t had many free moments. So I’ve had to dedicate them to the wonderful cause of Candyland.

Here is how I did yesterday:
Burned 2403 calories
Consumed 2367 calories
Deficit of 36 calories

Oh…my…goodness. Is that my Lego tower crumbling to the ground? I feel like I’ve been punched in the face…and I know that at least a good quarter of my beautiful tower is gone. Let me explain. Let me make a ton of excuses about special occasions and office birthdays and the French restaurant I’ve wanted to go to for years. Let me make more excuses about sparkling wine and cheese plates and a fabulous piano concert and feeling fancy. And let me end with my final excuses of a lack of time and being too tired to exercise at all.

That was a lot of excuses. None of them were good enough. I’m so embarrassed. I feel like half the time I’m SO focused on being healthy and the other half I’m off ordering tomato polenta soup with cheese and croutons (are you seeing a weird tomato soup obsession with me lately?). And it changes on a whim, every few minutes. I was so dedicated to having a salad yesterday for lunch – not a GREAT salad, because it had fried chicken, but significantly better than two sliders and a bunch of French fries. So I order the sliders but decide I will NOT eat the French fries. So I eat half the French fries but will NOT go out to fattening dinner. You see the trend. What had me SO very motivated before? I need to get it back. I absolutely no question have to get it back.

But wait – let me make one thing clear. Every time separately that I’ve been out to a bad-for-me dinner, had one extra glass of wine, took a bite of a cheeseburger slider…they were ALL worth it. Last night was incredible. We went and saw this pianist (Rob listens to the classical “and more” station, and discovered that he was in San Francisco giving a small concert)…well it was near Civic Center and anyone who goes to the city might recognize Jardiniere from its super cute exterior. We used to drive by it often when we lived in the city and I’ve wanted to go since before I knew I liked French food – so finally making it there was SUCH an experience and the food was just beyond delicious. Plus it was so late we almost had the restaurant to ourselves! I’m getting carried away. My point was that it was completely worth it last night, but my problem is that in the past month I’ve had about 20 “completely worth it” experiences, and I need to have more experiences that are just as amazing but much, much healthier.

Speaking of healthier, on the meal schedule for eating today is strawberries and salad…three small meals worth at work. Then go home and eat my laughing cow snack, my peas and onions mix, and a different salad with chicken and feel VERY good and healthy coming in at around 1500 calories. Ok and coffee because we didn’t finish dinner until about midnight last night and I am exhausted…1500 plus a bit. Throw a good double workout, one at work and one at home. All right I am feeling motivated! 36 calorie deficit. That is so embarrassing. But the motivation of embarrassment won’t last beyond the next couple of days. I need to remember why I wanted to lose weight…and KEEP LOSING IT.

I fully implore each and every one of you who knows me in real life to smack me upside the head the next time I talk about pasta and cheese, fried rice and candy corn. I can’t keep saying “ok just this once” – there is ONLY “this once” to make healthy choices and I have to make them more often. All right go make healthy choices today. And I will too!

A random tangent to end on, I have three or four friends in real life (um, plus me) who are stalled on their weight loss and need boosts and positive energy to get through this time of year – from Halloween candy to Thanksgiving feasts to Christmas cookies we are going through some tough times and need our strength in all forms! So if you are so inclined to think positive thoughts for them and pray for strength to give up sugar, get out of the 200s and stay away from the dinner rolls…that would be awesome. I know I am rooting for you guys!!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Questions and Refocusing

My goodness, yesterday was bad, today is bad, but even fully aware of what I'm doing, I don't understand why in the moment I'm making awful food choices.

Here is how I did yesterday:
Burned 2089 calories
Consumed 1537 calories
Deficit of 552 calories

I had a cupcake for lunch today.  Instead of my veggies.  Actually between that and my coffee, of which I only drank half, that's all I've eaten.  I had high hopes, grabbed a peach for breakfast and an orange for a snack, and just didn't eat either.  I feel gross.  I was even going to work out during lunch until I realized that I need to run a couple of errands before home.  I'm so utterly disappointed in myself right now.  I don't know how to pick back up...but I know I have to, because I need to go home, get in a REALLY good workout, and make a healthy dinner (one of my errands is to the grocery store, because I really don't have much going on at home in the way of good food!).

Meanwhile, I am uninspired to write my own stuff today, as it would all be super depressing and self pitying and self being-annoyed-with-ing.  Going through my blogs I found this questionnaire by Christina at Never the Skinny Girl and the more I thought about it the more I wanted to hear YOUR answers too and this could really help me to refocus, so here goes…

1. What was your highest weight, what do you weigh right now and what is your goal weight?
Heh…my highest weight was, I believe 247 pounds. My weight right now is hovering right around 186, and my goal weight for now is 150. Not true, it’s actually 148 because at 149.something I become not overweight anymore!

2. What is your #1 motivation for losing weight?
I don’t know that I have a #1. My most intense reason is that I fear that I’m going to die or become very sick from something made worse or caused by obesity. But my everyday reason as I go through life is that I want to feel healthy and happy about the way I look, I want my activity level to be high and I want to have a healthy (and cute) pregnancy when the time comes!

3. Have you always been overweight?
My whole…adult life I have. And I’ve been obese for about half of that.

4. When you want to give up what inspires you to keep going?
Everyone who reads this. People who say to me that I haven’t blogged in awhile, people who let me know that they follow my journey or see me as inspiring. My friends who hit roadblocks in their lives but keep moving forward keep me going, and all the blogs I read too where people go through things really similar to what I’m going through.

5. What is the #1 thing you look forward to when you hit your goal weight?
Cheaper clothes, more selection. Nah, I mean that will be a fabulous plus but in reality I’m looking forward to being in shape. Both in a fitness sense and then actually being shaped like a normal-weight person instead of a pot bellied one!

6. Do you have support on your weight loss journey?
I have the most support of anyone I’ve ever met. I’m surrounded not only by family and friends who are unbelieveably encouraging, but my workplace has been especially great, the company is awesome but even more so are my fabulous coworkers who (normally, not today lol) walk with me at lunch and keep me on track!

7. What is your favorite exercise?
Well…I do love walking. But I love dancing, I mean like flailing dancing while I’m cleaning or doing stuff around the house. You can’t possibly be in a good mood or feel like you’re working at burning calories when you’re being that silly.

8. What is the most important thing you have learned on your weight loss journey?
I’ve learned that it’s not simple. It’s just not. There is no one-diet-fits-all, no plan that works for everyone and we are all on the journey together but on slightly different paths as we find what actually makes us lose weight.

9. What is one thing you have given up that you miss the most?
Indulging the little voice that says I want this I want that. I used to buy and eat everything I ever wanted. Now, I think things through and try to make healthier choices. But I do miss looking at the highest calorie item on a menu and just thinking “ehhh why not?”  Although I certainly did indulge that little voice when it wanted a cupcake.

10. What is your strategy for losing weight?
Hahaha, I’m about 30 pounds down since I started this blog, and…I don’t have a good strategy yet! It’s still being formulated.

All right your turn. I would love to hear your answers to some/all of the questions!! If you post it in your own blog make sure to put the link in a comment and link back to Never the Skinny Girl.

I hope everyone is having a more on track day than me!  I'll get there, I WILL get there, I'm just going in a bit of a roundabout way lately!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Have fun!

Two days in a row! It’s like I’m on a roll! The amazing blogging Kyoko!

Here is how I did yesterday:
Burned 2241 calories
Consumed 1519 calories
Deficit of 722 calories

Ok, self-congratulation time over, for now. I had a really great day yesterday. As treats come and go it was a fabulous one. My very favorite soup is Campbells condensed tomato bisque (not true, my favorite is the tomato carrot soup they used to have at the Crepe Place in the mall before it closed, and if ever I run into that guy on the street I’m going to get that recipe even if it earns me a restraining order). Yeah it’s not the fanciest thing in the world, but it’s so good. And I had it with half nonfat milk and half….cream. Yeeks! Do you know that heavy cream is like 800 calories for one cup? I didn’t. I do now though. Luckily, happily I didn’t have much and it didn’t completely wreck all of my calorie counts up. But it was SO WORTH IT. Yum.

I can’t believe I’m sitting here 12 hours later still thinking about that soup…man do I have food issues!!

I had a fantastic conversation with a good friend yesterday about having fun. More specifically how I am not having fun. In my defense, it’s tough sometimes. Being the type of person who doesn’t deal with stress well can be overwhelming. Bad OR good stress. Between vacation, work events, being sick (which was probably because of the first two stresses), had a bit of a health scare over the weekend (it’s over and I’m ok…kinda) and on Monday I got some bad news that doesn’t directly involve me but is sad and has been weighing heavily on my mind for a couple of days.

So let’s brush that aside, because those are all things that I have no control over. Let’s start with what I CAN work with – being happy. Being happy and having fun. Can you think of anything better? I can’t either.

It’s time for me to take at least 40 minutes a day to be happy and have fun. No stress, no thinking about obligations, put the dogs outside, no cooking or cleaning just sitting and talking to Husbandcake, just reading my book, just doing my Wii fit, whatever I need to. Maybe I’ve been doing this all along but I haven’t been properly appreciating it. Well that stops here!

Isn’t it weird that on the one hand, you’d think that “planning” fun negates the actual fun…but for me if I don’t plan it, it goes unappreciated completely!

Can I give you guys homework? Good. Go do something fun today. Then come back and tell me what it was so I can be happy for you. And everybody have a fabulous day!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Weigh In and October Goals. Outstanding October Goals, that is...

Let’s start over. Hi…I’m Kyoko. I’m trying to lose weight and blog about it but I keep hitting roadblocks. I’m the one putting them up, I think, but that doesn’t make them any easier to pass.

I had to delete all the old blogs of yours that I hadn’t read yet. My google reader was over 1000. I’m sorry, actually really sorry if I missed anything important that went on with you. The good news though is now I can start over, actually comment and not get overwhelmed. I miss this weird and wonderful blogging world and I have to find my way back.  However this is a good time if I don't subscribe to your blog to let me know so I can start!

For the past month or so, I have been feeling like self awareness should go a long way towards solving my problems. Maybe that’s silly but I feel like I should be able to say “I am aware that X will sabotage me” and then it won’t happen. However I’ve been saying “I am aware that X will sabotage me, so I’m gonna go ahead and X anyway but expect different results.”

We all know how well that works. Just one chocolate, one quick drink, it’s a special occasion, I’m on vacation, everyone TOLD me I just had to have a turkey leg at Disneyland…and the tiramisu comes in a Mickey mug…

But it is out of control. I still can’t find my happy medium. I need to find ways to treat myself and not starve, but still not go overboard. It didn’t work to have small treats here and there, I thought it worked to have my indulgence filled week but it didn’t. There are too many opportunities for delicious dinners, for fancy chocolates. Friends, I bought not one but two salted caramels from a chocolate place on Saturday, put them in my bag, went to eat lunch but didn’t finish and instead of eating those caramels I split a cupcake with my mom. A salted caramel cupcake (I’m obsessed, it’s the best flavor combo since…ever).

I have a new mantra. Don’t even remember what my last one was. But the new one is this – I have all the tools. I have all of the tools. I have the Legos, I have the freaking lego table. I have the knowledge of how to build my tower…and there are days that I feel like I have a Lego construction set that will auto-build my tower for me. So what I thought is this – if my tower isn’t getting taller there are zero excuses. None. Look at you guys, at your support, at your stories, look at HusbandCake and his amazing dedication to my weight loss. I have everything. If anyone out there can lose weight – then I can too.

I have all the tools. I’m going to start building right now.

And now…my sad little weigh in!
Previous weight (2 weeks ago): 186.8
Yesterday’s weight: 186.8
Pounds lost: 0.0

Well there you have it. I consider it a half-win though because I was up…and came back down over the weekend. Now, time to change it up so that next week you see a much happier number coming from me!!

Finally, I’m not going to touch on my September goals. I didn’t meet most of them and we’ll leave it at that. It was an overwhelming month, and I’m a bit ready to move past it and have an amazing October.

With that I present…my October goals!
1. Work out four days every week – even if it’s just 20 minutes.

2. Finish cleaning out my garage – we had gotten so far…but haven’t worked on it in about a month! I really want it to be an organized usable space instead of a big pile of mess.

3. Make good and conscious food choices – I’ve seen that it’s not realistic for me to skip meals out completely, but that doesn’t mean I need to be getting anything fried or covered in sugary sauce. I can’t let a few meals ruin a completely healthy month!

4. Go Candyland crazy – Halloween is a Candyland theme this year and I need to make the best Princess Lolly costume of all time, not to mention helping Erin deck out her yard as a Candyland board. It’s not actually going to be super easy but it will be totally worth it!

5. Do nice things. Really nice things – above and beyond nice things – at least…8 of them.

6. Post my Bodybugg calorie counts – the less I post, the less I post those, and the sadder those numbers make me.  Of course I didn't post today, well...that's because I am having trouble with my computer at the moment but I'll be in touch with IT today and get it for you tomorrow :)

7. Get below 180 pounds – I am not about to beat myself up if it doesn’t happen but I would really, really like it to be this month!

8. Blog – blog blog blog. Every day. ok not every day. Most days!

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