Thursday, October 14, 2010

36. 36!!!

Let’s try this again. TRY. I’ve spent literally every free moment lately planning for Halloween even when I’m thinking about blogging too. That sounds like a lot of Halloween but it’s not, I haven’t had many free moments. So I’ve had to dedicate them to the wonderful cause of Candyland.

Here is how I did yesterday:
Burned 2403 calories
Consumed 2367 calories
Deficit of 36 calories

Oh…my…goodness. Is that my Lego tower crumbling to the ground? I feel like I’ve been punched in the face…and I know that at least a good quarter of my beautiful tower is gone. Let me explain. Let me make a ton of excuses about special occasions and office birthdays and the French restaurant I’ve wanted to go to for years. Let me make more excuses about sparkling wine and cheese plates and a fabulous piano concert and feeling fancy. And let me end with my final excuses of a lack of time and being too tired to exercise at all.

That was a lot of excuses. None of them were good enough. I’m so embarrassed. I feel like half the time I’m SO focused on being healthy and the other half I’m off ordering tomato polenta soup with cheese and croutons (are you seeing a weird tomato soup obsession with me lately?). And it changes on a whim, every few minutes. I was so dedicated to having a salad yesterday for lunch – not a GREAT salad, because it had fried chicken, but significantly better than two sliders and a bunch of French fries. So I order the sliders but decide I will NOT eat the French fries. So I eat half the French fries but will NOT go out to fattening dinner. You see the trend. What had me SO very motivated before? I need to get it back. I absolutely no question have to get it back.

But wait – let me make one thing clear. Every time separately that I’ve been out to a bad-for-me dinner, had one extra glass of wine, took a bite of a cheeseburger slider…they were ALL worth it. Last night was incredible. We went and saw this pianist (Rob listens to the classical “and more” station, and discovered that he was in San Francisco giving a small concert)…well it was near Civic Center and anyone who goes to the city might recognize Jardiniere from its super cute exterior. We used to drive by it often when we lived in the city and I’ve wanted to go since before I knew I liked French food – so finally making it there was SUCH an experience and the food was just beyond delicious. Plus it was so late we almost had the restaurant to ourselves! I’m getting carried away. My point was that it was completely worth it last night, but my problem is that in the past month I’ve had about 20 “completely worth it” experiences, and I need to have more experiences that are just as amazing but much, much healthier.

Speaking of healthier, on the meal schedule for eating today is strawberries and salad…three small meals worth at work. Then go home and eat my laughing cow snack, my peas and onions mix, and a different salad with chicken and feel VERY good and healthy coming in at around 1500 calories. Ok and coffee because we didn’t finish dinner until about midnight last night and I am exhausted…1500 plus a bit. Throw a good double workout, one at work and one at home. All right I am feeling motivated! 36 calorie deficit. That is so embarrassing. But the motivation of embarrassment won’t last beyond the next couple of days. I need to remember why I wanted to lose weight…and KEEP LOSING IT.

I fully implore each and every one of you who knows me in real life to smack me upside the head the next time I talk about pasta and cheese, fried rice and candy corn. I can’t keep saying “ok just this once” – there is ONLY “this once” to make healthy choices and I have to make them more often. All right go make healthy choices today. And I will too!

A random tangent to end on, I have three or four friends in real life (um, plus me) who are stalled on their weight loss and need boosts and positive energy to get through this time of year – from Halloween candy to Thanksgiving feasts to Christmas cookies we are going through some tough times and need our strength in all forms! So if you are so inclined to think positive thoughts for them and pray for strength to give up sugar, get out of the 200s and stay away from the dinner rolls…that would be awesome. I know I am rooting for you guys!!


Rachel said...

Okay I just gotta ask. What are you using to count your calories? I have a watch that I wear all day. But I only usually turn the counter on when I am working out. Do you just wear yours all day?

The good thing is that you see your mistake. Now pick yourself back up and move more. :)

KyokoCake said...

Rachel I wear a Bodybugg - so I have it on 24/7 (unless I'm charging it or uploading the info to my computer!)

Rachel said...

Okay I got yah. I think I will try and leave my counter on all day and see what I come up with. I really do love to watch the numbers climb when I am working out.

Brandy said...

I don't typically comment on your blog, but felt like I should finally acknowledge that I'm reading it. :) So obviously you know that I've been through these same struggles with weight. I know you're trying really hard to eat healthier right now and I have a suggestion to help you. Something that I think we both have in common is that we get easily grossed out by nasty things. It might help you to watch the online documentary Earthlings and read up a little bit online about hormones in meat & dairy products and pesticides in produce. If you start reading up on these things and understanding the nastiness that you're putting into your body, it might help. I'm telling you, my fat butt hardly eats any meat anymore and absolutely not any freakin beef because I'm just too darn grossed out by it after what I've seen and read. I'm just suggesting this to you because a lot of times we think eating healthier means eating fewer calories and less fat and that's not enough. Maybe since you're in a rut right now with your weight loss, you can take this break to do some research and then the whole eating healthier thing will take on a whole new meaning. If you understood the nastiness within the sliders, you wouldn't even feel the temptation to eat them!

Crystal said...

I've been very stalled too. Some life issues hit the fan with a whole truck load of stress attached to them that I just wasn't equipped to handle. I have slowly been building motivation back up and something just snapped in me the other day. I finally got moving again. It wasn't a lot. But it was off the couch, you know? Tonight I actually got myself together and made a motivational poster. I was partially inspired by your lego tower. Also, I just wanted to make sure I came back and let you know that I am still here. I took a break from reading and posting for a bit, but the motivation lies in many of us all doing the same thing right? Well count me in. :)

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