Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Oh, hello scale - f*** you too.

So...not feeling as emotional as I was yesterday.  Or maybe it's just a very different emotion.  I'm angry!!!  Rawr!

 I had to peruse my old posts to find that on October 25 I weighed 184.4 pounds. I don't weigh that now. I hadn't stepped on the scale since I think Christmas morning, and then I was at 185.9. This morning? 190.1..

(that is me.  I did not draw it, but I saw the mirror and I looked like angry domo-girl after weighing myself)
I went back up into the 190s :( the sad face is the only thing I can think to let you know that it made my morning feel unhappy-like,.  I know, I know.  I will get over it.  All of it - the sad, the weight, the disappointment.  I will get past it.  I will be 184.4 pounds again.  And then I'll weigh less than that, I have faith.  This morning though...well, as I said, rawr.  It's a mental hurdle to see that 9 on the scale.

Let's try to move on (I'm not good at moving on so be prepared for me to come right back to this topic).  I meant to talk about goals today.  While my resolutions are vague at best, I really want to have something tangible to work towards.  And as this is first and foremost a weight loss blog I'm going to start with my weight goals and maybe over the next couple of days talk about fitness and eating and all the stuff that goes along with it.

When I started this blogging journey I was at 216 pounds.  Having already lost 31 pounds in the year and I half before blogging, I wasn't working towards anything in particular but had decided on a weight goal of 120.  Immediately I was chastised!!  I guess 120 was too least since it's so far away.  I settled on 150 but I don't like that goal anymore.  At 150 pounds I will still be overweight (I'm 5'5") - only by about a tenth of a pound but overweight nonetheless.  And as weights go up and down on a daily basis...I'm settling on a magic goal of 148.  Safely normal-weight, and once I've been there for a month or two I can re-evaluate where I want to be. For now though - 148 is IT.

Meanwhile I do have a separate short term goal of 179.9 lbs as I am VERY EAGER to get out of the obese category.  I'm so close, although...twice as far as I was in October apparently.  I know I can do it though, and I'm going to try to knock it out fast.  I am banking on a lot of that weight going away quickly...hoping that it will jump down once I start drinking water, eating better food and flushing some of the ick out of my system. 

I actually am setting a goal date, something I haven't had a lot of success with but it's so important to me.  I'd like to be 179.9 by my 30th birthday.  I want to enter my 30s not being obese.  There I said it.  Now that is no short order - my birthday is in February and this would mean losing almost 2 pounds per week.  But I am confident that I can do it if I really, really try.

I do have a plan to get there...but I'll share that with you along with my eating and exercise goals.  First we will talk about the fun part of weight loss goals: rewards.  This being my birthday time of year, and less than 6 weeks away from my favorite and the most sparkly of all holidays I am going to go into reward OVERDRIVE.  Yeah you heard me.  And I'm getting a reward for every. single. pound. until I am no longer obese.

Now they're not huge rewards, some of them are very very small in fact.  My coworker just "remodeled" her cubicle at work and everything just looks so cute!!  So me being the copycat that I so obviously am, I am taking some time to remodel my own and for every pound I lose I'm going to allow myself to get one thing for my cubicle up to 10.  Anything from a frame to a lamp to a pen.  And just think with all the wonderful Valentine's Day things out there I am going to go into girly heaven.

Well, THAT certainly made me feel a bit more happy about having gained this weight - it's going to be fun getting rid of it!!

Unrelated to the rest of my post but I'm curious and being a lover of all things celebratory...what is your favorite holiday??  I can't help but love Valentine's Day.  It feels like the whole world is celebrating my birthday with me, decorating for me, it couldn't be more perfect!!


Tammy said...

Okay K, I know you can reach your birthday goal. Just stay on it, since there isn't all that much time until then. I think your cubicle rewards are a great incentive. I can't wait to hear what the first one is.

My favorite Christmas and then my birthday. I love Christmas because we seem to have contact with more family friends than we do all year. I call my birthday a holiday, because it is a celebration all about me. Well I am not comfortable with all that attention, but I like making the rules on my bday, we do the things I like to do that day and my hubby makes me feel so special.

Brigitte said...

I am glad you are back!! I'm back too! Yay, for being back together! You can totally do it and please know all your friends are behind you 100%. It is hard to know what weight will make you happy and healthy. I've set mine for 190 and that makes me overweight still but I can live with that! At least, I'm not 300+ anymore.

Christmas is my favorite holiday! I love it!! The decorating, baking, and picking out presents. I also really like July 4th because it is warm and their are fireworks!

KyokoCake said...

@Tammy - your birthday IS a holiday!! One just for you :) the best kind!

@Brig - I love Christmas too...definitely Husbandcake's fave holiday! And I just went in for an after-Christmas clearance 9 foot tree for next year. It can't come soon enough!

Ms. M said...

Christmas is my favorite holiday for the same reason Valentines Day is yours... my birthday is five days later. The whole week becomes a big celebration between Christmas, my birthday and New Years. I LOVE it!

Can't wait to see what your plan is. You can totally reach your goal! I have faith in you. :)

Anonymous said...

I did so well for a week, and lost a pound or more every day, then for two days ate pretty much pizza and drank pepsi, and gained back four pounds. I'm not proud of this, but I think it strengthened my resolve to be good!!!
So we'll be good together :-)

Anonymous said...

Commenting just isn't working for me tonight...that anonymous comment was from me, Arlene

Robin said...

you can trick me into eating that anytime.. looks delish!!

NEw follower :)

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