I'm Naked! An Ode to My Bodybugg

Well, let me start off by saying I will not be posting for a few days about my calories burned...I am without Bodybugg.

I mentioned yesterday that it was Erin's birthday.  Well when I asked her what she wanted...she wanted to use my Bodybugg to see how many calories she burned in a day.  Sigh.  It's not that I didn't want to, other than the momentary panic that set in when she asked.  It's more that I didn't know what to do without it.  My arm feels wrong.  I'm not loving the super obvious tan line either.  But I feel completely naked without it!

So while she is enjoying her time with the little device that means so much to me, I found myself so lost this morning that I have decided to let you all in on why it has changed my life so drastically.  I know I've said how it works and why it works for me, and you all know that I struggle to not live and die by my calorie deficit, but I feel like you can't really understand how much it helps me mentally and emotionally without me sharing something I haven't written about before.

All right...I'll just come out with it.  I worry sometimes (often) that I am going to die and it's going to be something I could have prevented.  Without going into much detail, I've had a fear for years that my father is going to die of something weight related.  It's an intense, extreme worry that at more than one point has seen me literally petrified and unable to function.  As he's lost a ton of weight, my worry for him has lessened to something that I would call normal, but I could so easily see myself following in his footsteps, so the fear became not about him but about myself. 

So far in life I've been lucky.  I'm obese but have never been advised by a doctor or even any professional in the health industry to lose weight.  I have stomach issues, sure, but they're not so bad and they aren't weight related at all.  But I look at how much I weighed in 2000, 2004, 2008 and I never want to see my weight have a mindless, steady climb up and up again.  But I also know that there are multiple health problems in my family that are caused by or made significantly worse by being overweight and out of shape.

You know, I keep reading those two paragraphs and it all seems simple and straightforward.  It's not.  There are years of turmoil and severe emotional problems wrapped up in all of that.  I want to respect my dad's privacy by not going into a lot of detail about his situation, and I don't want to imply that my worry over him and his health is at all his fault.  Just know that the most intense fear that I've felt in my life, and the most intense relief is all wrapped up in health which in turn is wrapped up in weight for me.

Not every weight loss tool works for everyone.  Diets, Weight Watchers, gym memberships, or even Bodybuggs, everyone has something that will just CLICK for them.  And mine was my Bodybugg.  And I miss it.  But I also adore it enough to know that for such a simple thing it is so powerful.  I am so happy that I have the ability to share something that means so much to me with someone else.  I wish I could share it with ALL of you that want one, every single one of you that entered the contest.  By the way, if any of you want to buy them...please let me know.  I just ordered a new blue armband for Crystal and I may be able to get you a pretty significant discount.  And anything I can do to help my lovelies, I will!

I credit my Bodybugg with saving my quality of life. And my sanity.  When I feel like I'm improving my life, as I feel myself sliding away from obesity, I know that this was the one thing that really worked.  It continues to help me, hold me accountable, teach me, even hold my hand.  My goodness, I feel like I should give it a name or something.  Believe it or not, this post took me about two hours to write.  There are just too many feelings I had, too many starts and stops, too many tangents.  And all over an armband with a little rechargeable sensor.