Thursday, August 26, 2010

Beloved Me! and Blog Hop

Good afternoon lovelies! I hope you all saw the giveaway I posted earlier!! I love being able to give back to you guys who give me everything, the support to keep going and the inspiration I need every day! I just really appreciate everything.

Here is how I did yesterday:
Burned 2573 calories
Consumed 1618 calories
Deficit of 955 calories

Yesterday my afternoon was so stressful. I had the worst bit of insecurity that was just weighing me down. It was one of those things where there was confusion about whether or not people wanted me around…and it’s hard to ask people outright if they want you there, especially a group of people, because there’s no answer other than “of course!” even if they really don’t. It’s just. so. awkward. And of course instead of letting it go, my gloriously miswired brain obsessed about it and came to the conclusion that Husbandcake is the only one who likes having me around, and anyway that’s just because he promised in his vows and he’s an upstanding guy. Oh, what must it be like to not go from tiny doubt to super crazy in about 4 seconds! Will I ever know for myself?

Meanwhile the power was out at my house…so…I kinda had something not healthy. Not super UNhealthy but…I had frozen yogurt. It was actually exactly what I need on an absurdly hot day, to have something very cold and refreshing. I only ended up at 196 calories for the whole thing. Not a bad indulgence if I do say so myself, but surprisingly I’m feeling extremely guilty. Yeah I know that I can’t go without treats – I get that. But I didn’t go because it was hot out. I didn’t go because I was REALLY craving fro yo. I went because I was upset and I felt like nobody liked me. I don’t consider myself an emotional eater but…I probably am. I do crave sweets when Husbandcake is gone. I crave sweets when I feel lonely for any reason I guess. I hate overcoming these struggles. It’s not the number of calories, it’s not the frozen yogurt itself. It’s feeling like I have this problem with eating and no matter how far I come I still feel like I’m pulled back into it.

Anyway, as usual, I have a ton of friends waiting by to let me know that they do want me around, and…as usual…they make me feel silly for even doubting that I had them all along. It doesn’t matter that the original people may or may not want me around in this one instance. I’ve made so many changes in my life and the one that’s hardest to make is in my head. Losing this weight is not at all the biggest change I’ve made, and it’s nowhere near the hardest to let go of. It’s much more of a struggle to let go of the misunderstood or unliked girl that I was at one point. It’s hard to accept that my support system, you included…is REAL. And that you actually like me.

I do wish that for all the amazing people in my life, who I work hard to never take for granted, I could let go of this insecurity and just feel confident that they and you are always there for me without having to constantly be reassured.

Heh heh…sounds like a September goal…

Even after that, Super Healthy August is still in effect, in fact the last four days I’m going back to my short term vegan organic food that I ate at the beginning to remind myself of how good it felt and get back to all healthy deliciousness.

But can I just say one last thing about frozen yogurt? I have a love hate relationship with those places where you serve your own. Love the ability to choose my toppings and amounts and the popularity of fabulous Asian-y flavors. It’s just that I got a GOOD amount of yogurt yesterday and my cup wasn’t even half full. They make you feel cheated! It’s so easy to just fill the cup and then suddenly you have over a half pound of frozen yogurt and toppings!! At home I choose what I eat out of VERY carefully. Small plates, small bowls, eat soup out of a mug. It makes me feel like I am having a full container of whatever I’m eating and I don’t feel like I’m cutting back. For some reason eating two rice bowls of salad is SO much more satisfying than having the same amount taking up half of a huge plate. So please, frozen yogurt places…put out some smaller cups too so we can feel like we’re having a big dessert treat and not like we’re on a dreaded (ugh) DIET!

Rant over, gratefulness for my loved ones setting in, and fabulous plans tonight with a really good friend. My day of rest from exercise, unless I get an inkling to Wii Fit which I haven’t done in awhile. I’m content and it’s nice.

Well I've already felt the love today - now go show some to these fine bloggers!


Raegun said...

Mmmm...all I can think about now is frozen yogurt. ;)

Crystal said...

I struggle with food guilt too. I even struggle with food guilt when I have allowed myself to have it. I am an emotional eater and I am working on it. It's a slow process. But my biggest hurdle to overcome is to find a way to control food instead of it controlling me. I've said it a lot on my blog and I will continue to. I just wanted you to know though, that you are not alone struggling. Sometimes that helps. I cannot wait to be able to post the way you do, with calories consumed and burned and stuff. I feel like it's exactly the method and motivation that is going to work for me.

LOL the folks at the post office probably think I am stalking them.

I love that I found your blog.

Ali said...

Big hugs. I have felt like that. Hope that you have a great time tonight x

sinn said...

Hey, just gave you the Happy 101 award! The picture is on my blog. Click on it and copy the link to place it on your journal! ^___^

KyokoCake said...

@Crystal - I feel silly that I didn't even realize I was an emotional eater, because now it seems so obvious!! I am so far behind on my blog reading but I'm hoping that when I head over to yours today that you already got the Bodybugg and are LOVING it!!

@sinn - thank you!! I will go check it out!!

KyokoCake said...

@Crystal - I feel silly that I didn't even realize I was an emotional eater, because now it seems so obvious!! I am so far behind on my blog reading but I'm hoping that when I head over to yours today that you already got the Bodybugg and are LOVING it!!

@sinn - thank you!! I will go check it out!!

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