First of all, don't you want a $100 gas card? Because I would really love it to go to one of my fabulous regular readers, because the whole reason I am giving it away is to show YOU how much I adore and appreciate you!! If you have already entered good luck, if not go do it now!!
I meant to be vegan and organic this weekend. I did well on Saturday, except that I got chicken in my salad without thinking. But for the most part I was super healthy. But I realized Sunday that I needed to do a test run on these healthy muffins I wanted to make for the Biggest Winner potluck. It was my first foray into gluten free baking, as one of the girls in my department has a gluten free diet. But, it didn't work out. I made six batches with about 6-8 mini muffins per batch and EVERY SINGLE ONE came out gross (that's not true, one was kind of ok but looked like purple rocks....).
Those of you who know me in real life know I'm a baker. I love to bake and I'm good at it, whether I'm making boxed cupcakes or super fancy bread or whatever. So this has brought down my entire weekend. I've never spent a day in the kitchen and come out frustrated before so this is a big hurdle. At the end of the day I scrapped the whole thing and I'm making something non baked. Found a recipe for fruit bruschetta that looks so pretty, I may just do that.
It just doesn't erase the frustration, you know? And the frustration that I can't just make some really delicious buttery sugary high fat muffins was there too. Ok, rant over.
Anyway, my frustration carried into this morning, and was not overcome by my awesome weigh ins. First my weigh in at home:
Last week’s weight: 192.5
Current weight: 190.2
Pounds lost this week: 2.3
And then my awesome work weigh in:
Last weigh in: 194.0
Today's weigh in: 189.8
% loss: 2.16% - that's for 2 weeks. I will tell you all my final % during the Biggest Winner tomorrow!
So after that I don't understand how I can still feel frustrated but I do. I want to go home and try MORE muffin recipes which I know is not going to do me any good. I guess I'm just feeling a bit obsessive.
I am REALLY happy with my loss this week. I am continuing to feel like I'm right on track with my weight loss and I'm loving it. I love where I'm headed and having OCD I have a fabulous spreadsheet that tells me things like, how many pounds a week I have to lose to be X weight by X date and some other fun things to play around with.
There is something that has been bugging me though and it's my lack of routine. Testing out different things throughout this month and trying to find sustainable healthy habits has been taking a toll on me. I am a creature of habit, and the part of weight loss and especially fitness where you have to change up your routine is really difficult for me. I'm enjoying eating all kinds of healthy food, but I think I may take a mini vacation from it this week. I'm allowing myself to have a little break where I eat some foods I've been trying to cut out of my life. I don't know what it is about me, but I feel like I don't have the right balance and I'm trying to figure out what to eat and how often and how much and all of those things - but I'm not finding the right combination with the results I want. I feel like food wise I'm right on the tip of having a routine and a good balance but I'm just not there yet.
And the limbo of trying new things is making me crave sweet and sour fish. People in my life are probably really tired of hearing me talk about it, but I've been craving it for awhile, even though I really didn't feel great the last time I had it. Why is it that eating is so emotional? Knowing how great my body feels eating these fresh veggies and fruits all the time, I just don't understand why nothing makes me feel as good in my head as rice with sweet and sour fish. I don't get ME!
But I'll continue to try to embrace it and work forward. And maybe scheduled indulgences will be what works for me, to eat really healthy stuff and give myself a time limit, like every X days I can have food that will make me feel awful but happy at the same time. Or once a month I'll have a certain week where...um...let's just say craving bad food seems more urgent than other weeks and I'll allow myself a few indulgences and some chocolate or something. Whatever it is, I just want to figure it out, start it and get into a routine with it. Then I'll feel so settled! That's the hope anyway.
Ohhhhh I've gotten to the point in my blog where I hate how whiny I have been! All right let's end on a fabulous note. Husbandcake, who has been gone since Saturday morning, comes home today! He was in Vegas with his cousin and their friends/fantasy football league having a super fun time (and today he happened to see that there's a Valentino boutique in Caesar's, soooo...I'll be going to Vegas sometime soon) and I missed him like crazy. So I could not be any happier that he's headed home tonight!!
See? Don't you love happy endings? It puts everything in perspective. No muffins? No routine? Who cares, my husband is on his way to the airport to come home to me RIGHT NOW!!