Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Destined to Lose Weight?

It's Wednesday isn't it?  Crap.  I had leftovers last night.  I'll definitely be trying new things tonight, whether or not they'll be healthy is another story.  I'm disappointed though because last week I came across Lyn's cauliflower mac and cheese and I have been dying to try it.  I love cauliflower and cheese so I don't see that any harm can come from putting them together!  But alas, there is always next New Recipe Tuesday to give it a good try!

Here is how I did yesterday:
Horribly.  I failed at being positive, I failed at going on the lunchtime walk...failed at making something new for dinner.  I was unhappy about my weigh in all day - not to mention that even though my scale put me at losing 0.2 lbs this week and 0.2 lbs last week the scale at work put me at losing ZERO pounds over the two weeks.  Which I am still annoyed about but I'm blaming it on the scale because I know I lost that almost-half-pound, so :-P

Here is how I did yesterday, calorie-wise:
Burned 2740 calories
Consumed 1346 calories
Deficit of 1394 calories

So, the good thing about yesterday being such a total failure is that today has the potential to be a ton better.  A million times better.  A half day at work, a super fun time tonight up in Sacramento with AWESOME friends, I am really excited about the day.  And I am also pretty excited that despite my desire halfway through yesterday to go down to the little cafe shop near my office and get several cookies, I stayed on track, ate pretty healthy food and I got my exercise in.  I guess it wasn't a total failure...just an attitude failure!

I'm so grateful for all of the support you all gave me and always give me.  I think a lot of us know just how valuable it is to have that support and to have that amazing feeling that you are not going through this alone.  I know I wasn't the only one who had a bad weigh in this week and in a lot of ways it helped.  I look at other people, who didn't lose much or anything and I know they aren't failures...so I have to admit grudgingly that maybe I'm not either.

I have had this conversation with a good friend a few times, about how we know what is right for losing weight, but we just don't do it.  I thought about that a lot last night, about how if it was just a matter of knowing what to eat or how to exercise it would be so easy.  The truth is, a lot of us know a ton about fitness and nutrition.  My dad runs a publishing company, and they make health, safety and productivity handbooks.  I've been writing articles about fitness and nutrition since my college days and for a long time it made me feel like a fraud.  At one point we were sitting there, two fat people telling people how to lose weight and live healthy lives, and I just thought we are cheating these people out of their money.

But we weren't - the information was valid.  The food chart that I made was awesome and helpful, I just didn't use it.  The tips on how to start a running program or to make sure you stretch were right on, I just never ran...or exercised at all.  It's crazy the amount of knowledge we have and the amount we've put it to use.  Now that I've started practicing what I preached for years I feel great.  I can't even tell you all why it took me so long.

My career, if you can call it that, has really centered around the health and fitness industries.  After working full time as a writer and editor for my dad, I went on to work in a bookstore that specialized in nutrition resources for children.  From there I spent a year working for a cellular company, which was not at all fitness related and we ate cookies and cupcakes regularly...but after that job I was called by a recruiter to fill in a temporary spot...at 24 Hour Fitness corporate.  Can you imagine a clearer sign that I am supposed to be healthy?  If you believe in God, which I do, it is so obvious that He wants to surround me with every resource to lose weight, eat right and be healthy.

I think a big part of the reason I was just SO down yesterday is that a failure to lose weight is like a waste.  A waste of all of my knowledge, the support around me, the free healthy food I get at work, the free gym membership, it's all wasted if I don't lose the weight.  I know though, that all I can do, is do everything I can and try my hardest and if I've done that - if I've eaten well, exercised and done what I can - I didn't waste it.  It's not the numbers, it's not the numbers, it's not the numbers.  I just have to keep telling myself that until I believe it 100% of the time.

The other reason...well I guess it also had to do with numbers.  I love numbers, and figuring things out.  That's why I figured out yesterday that losing 0.2 lbs a week I'd hit my 150 mini goal in the spring of 2016.  Six years of working THIS hard just to be mostly to my goal?  No thank you, I'd rather stay fat.  But you all, my voices of reason, know as you told me, that it will kick in soon, that the numbers will go down, that my work will pay off, it just didn't pay off on the scale these past two weeks.

But again, in my head just like last night I keep going back to the fact that I am meant to lose weight.  I can't get away from the fitness industry if I wanted to (which I don't), and I have so much support, so many amazing people in my life, so much knowledge about health and nutrition.  I am not meant to feel unhealthy, I am not meant to have stomach aches after dinner and I am not meant to be winded from chasing my dog down the hallway.  I am meant to be healthy, happy, fit, and thin.  That's just how it is :) and to be honest now that I've put it in words and put it out there, I feel a lot better about my "fate"!

6 comments:

Fat Girl vs. World said...

I've had to greatly cut back my cheese consumption. Way too many calories per serving size (the size of your thumb) and I was eating too many servings per sitting.

Also if you find yourself frustrated by the scale, pick up a tape measure.

•Bust: Measure around the chest right at the nipple line, but don't pull the tape too tight.
•Chest: Measure just under your bust
•Waist: Measure a half-inch above your belly button or at the smallest part of your waist
•Hips: Place tape measure around the biggest part of your hips
•Thighs: Measure around the biggest part of each thigh
•Calves: Measure around the largest part of each calf
•Upper arm: Measure around the largest part of each arm above the elbow
•Forearm: Measure around the largest part of the arm below the elbow.

Jess @ THIR said...

I have a theory on the whole "I know what to do I just don't do it" thing...
Preservatives. They ruin everything.

Same reason we get lazy, we know we feel AWESOME after exercise, but for some reason when we just want to plant our arses on the couch and feel sorry for ourselves, we forget that.

We forget how much fluid we retain, or how sick we feel after eating too much salty chinese food, but we forget that next time we get the craving...

Did you know the reason that females have more than one child is the body's ability to forget about the pain? Because if we honestly remembered how bad it felt, we'd never do it again.

I had pancreatitis and had to have my gall bladder removed, and if I eat too much fatty food (red meat, dairy products are the main culprits) I get pretty sick. But, I forget how sick I got the next time I have a craving for steak with garlic butter, and swear I'll never do it again...

Strange, living in these bodies huh. I would rather be a dog. My dog eats grass and remembers what made her sick. Lol.

Ali said...

Big hugs to you. I knwo how it feels to be in a place you are now. I studies exercise science at uni, worked at a gym for 2 years and know a heap about the tools to lose weight but you know what I am only just starting to work out? The most important tool to losing weight is your mind. You have to be in the right mind frame and thats harder than any exercise routine or food consumed. We are all here for you.

Laurie B said...

I only just found your blog and am loving it. Just a quick question - how do you work out how many calories you are burning a day?

KyokoCake said...

@Fat Girl Vs. World - it's actually one of the hardest things for me to cut back on. I've been trying quite a few low fat cheeses...definitely not the same but I am getting my fix ok ;) and I definitely measure myself once a week, because those numbers are going a LOT better than the scale's!!

@Jess @ THIR - I definitely do the same thing! I am learning though that if I crave my sweet and sour fish, it doesn't make me sick, say to have one small piece. I can let my husband have the rest of the order and I can stick to my rice and veggies without all that salty oily mess, I'm happier and actually feel good.

What's weird to me is the emotional craving that I get now. I had part of a top ramen pack and I felt so sick...now I feel like I don't physically crave the taste but it was such a part of my childhood and life that I really miss it. It's a really strange and almost creepy thing to feel so strongly about noodles from a plastic bag.


@Ali - I really agree. It's still a struggle because I honestly don't mind being fat. Yes, there are things that get to me but 90% of the time I am really fine with it. I think that's why it hits me so hard when I have a setback, I just tend to feel like I don't care enough to go through the disappointment. I do love and really, truly appreciate all of the support I get here though! It keeps me going!!

@Laurie B - Welcome!! I have a Bodybugg (I talked about it here: http://kyokocake.blogspot.com/2010/06/bodybugg-love.html) which you wear all day and it judges by things like heart rate and some other stuff. For someone like me who is extremely numbers-oriented it is my biggest weight loss tool!

Fat Girl vs. World said...

Heya cupcake -- low fat cheese is for the birds... just doesn't do it for me. I'd rather be moderate with the good stuff than eat the faux stuff.

 
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