Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Horrible Weigh In

I didn't blog yesterday!  First day I've missed since starting this whole thing, I believe.  After cleaning my house for what seemed like 48 hours straight I just needed a break from everything.  I slept in late (late for me anyway, which is 9-10) and had a lazy day.  Husbandcake's coworker came over and we had lunch and played Wii.  It was pretty fun.  I didn't weigh in yesterday, I did it this morning and we'll get to it in a second.

Here is how I did Sunday and yesterday
Burned 2851 calories Sunday and 2321 calories yesterday.

I extended my non-tracking to yesterday because I really felt like I was doing so well but I'm back to tracking today because I know I overate for dinner last night.

I want to preface this by saying that so far my weigh in has ruined my day.  It's only 7am which means there is plenty of time to bounce back but as of right now, I am having one of those moments where I hate everything and I feel like the world is against me. 

Last week's weight: 212.2
Current weight: 212.0
Weekly goal: I feel like my weekly goal should be to not starve myself after seeing that number on the scale.  Or to not cry at work today.  But right now that seems like a tall order so I'm just going to try to keep up with my monthly goals this week.

I know I'm losing fat.  I don't have one of those super scale things but in the past two weeks when I've only lost less than a half pound my clothes are still getting more loose.  But even though it matters it doesn't matter enough.  I am big enough that even gaining muscle I should be losing more than ONE FIFTH OF A POUND every week.  I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I'm eating healthy food, I'm keeping up with my vegetables, I'm feeling great, but something is just plain not working.  According to my food deficits I should have lost almost 2 pounds just Monday through Friday.  So what is the issue here?

I'm trying to turn this around and snap out of it but I just can't.  It's too much.  I feel like simultaneously giving up and starving myself.  Like crawling back into bed but also buying a treadmill and running all day.  I don't feel like me...it is not like me to feel this deeply and disturbingly defeated.  And it's not just the weigh in.  All these things seem so silly but are piling up on me and it feels like they are literally what is weighing me down.  My hair is doing this awful thing, my email inbox is full of things I don't want to deal with.  My handbag is a mess and I usually keep it so nicely organized.  I know I have days where I just need to snap out of whatever funk I'm in, which I know I need to do now...but it just seems worse than that.

And there goes my goal for not crying.

Like I said...there is plenty of time to turn my day around.  There really, truly is hope for today and I hope I'm able to find it.  I'm sorry for being such a downer!!  I can't even think of 5 things I really, truly feel grateful for right now.

*edited to add that something weird is going on with comments - I'm getting them in my email and I'm not sure why they aren't showing up here...hopefully it will be fixed soon!


Anonymous said...

These weeks will happen. It doesn't mean you've done something wrong. It just means that your body is trying to figure out where this is all headed. Keep on trucking and see what next week brings. If you've hit a true plateau, then you will have to shake up your routine and trick your body. But one step at a time. Brig

Fat Girl vs. World said...

Honey... please know that I say this with the most compassion and love...

For reals?? Seriously??

You're going to let that get you down? You're still moving in a negative direction. There could be a ton of reasons that you didn't lose weight this week, but it doesn't matter so long as you're moving down. Pay attention to (1) how you feel (2) having healthy habits and (3) the trend. The number on the scale is just an objective measurement of something that should be very subjective.

Look in the mirror. Seriously look at yourself and if you're going to let losing only 1/5th of a lb get you down, you have more serious issues.

You are more than the number on the scale. You are making healthy choices, getting more exercise, and most importantly, you're reacquainting yourself with your body.

Let go of the number on the scale. Don't let it rule you. That's the only way you'll make a positive change for the rest of your life.

Fat Grump said...

hey, I came across you through the bethany blog roll - and just wanted you to know I have been feeling lousy today as well. You are not alone.

Like you, the weight just doesn't want to leave me, and I have convinced myself my efforts are useless and I am doomed to remain podgy. Of course that's not the case, but I think we all have these days, so I just wanted you to know I appreciate exactly how you feel - and I hope your day gets better. Mine hasn't yet, but that's because I am not following through the 'action' mini-goals I have set myself. Self-sabotage today, but tomorrow I can get it right I hope.

This too shall pass. Chin up.

KyokoCake said...

@Brig - I will try! 2 weeks in a row is hard but you're right, if it happens again I will have to find something to change up!

@fat girl vs world - I know, I know (in my head)...but I keep thinking, I work so hard for this result for 2 weeks...if I keep it up I'll be working this hard for 6 years just to reach my mini goal of 150 lbs...

@fat grump - thank you and welcome!! It is taking all of my willpower right now to not just say, well if my efforts don't matter I'm sure there's someplace nearby I can get a nice big slice of cake...but for now I'm holding strong with my blueberries and cereal!

Fat Girl vs. World said...

I'm having the comment problem too :(
Losing weight is not a race. Studies have shown time and time again that people who lose weight fast (yo-yo dieters) are more likely to gain it back than people who lose it slowly.

Focus on that.

Anonymous said...

Oh kyoko :( I hate to hear you down like this, you are the most positive blogger I know! What iknow about weight loss is, it's a rocky, up and down road. One day you feel invincible, the next you could feel like a massive frump. Eventually those bad days will be few and far between and you will have beaten the weight loss Desmond so stick with it! What I did want to ask is how are
you calculating your calories burnt and how are you tracking your intake? There could possibly
be an error somewhere along the lines there as I also would have thought you'd have lost a
pound at least this week after all your hard work

Midori Mighty Warrior said...

Kyoko, I know it's hard to bounce back, our bodies can cause us so much frustration!

Here are 5 things:

1) You have this blog and friends that are here for you
2) Don't despair; there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will get better.
3) The journey to reach our goal is not a line goin' straight down, but a ziggy-zag one...we'll advance, then move backwards...it's to be expected and is actually part of the process4) Even though it's a not the loss you expected, it's a loss; and
5) The best tool that you have on your side in this journey is your strength and optimisim.

Spaghetti Cat said...

Hang in there girl! I think maybe your body is upset from minimal calories, either way don't beat yourself up. Inches and fat percent are much more important than the number on the scale- although sometimes its hard to accept that fact (((hugs))

Just keep on hanging in there girl! I am cheering you on everyday!!

Ali said...

I;m havign the comment prob too so must be a blogspot problemo! Anyway I think I wrote almost the exact same post as you yesterday. I just could not get my motivation. I did manage to turn my day around. Try setting alarm for the morning even if it is a bit later and get up and start your day when it goes off. No lying in bed. It makes me lazy for the day and then I eat bad and dont exercise. Hope today is better for you x

Miz said...

lordy you have so many good comments already and I wanna echo em all.

hang on and when you cant or need a break---LEAN ON US!!

KyokoCake said...

@c. - I use my bodybugg to track the calories I burn and input what I eat...I know it's never exact but I thought it was going pretty well. I hope those days get fewer VERY soon, being unhappy is like this circle of frustration that it's so hard to break out of!

@midori mighty warrior - I feel like yesterday was the first day that I really didn't find my optimism. I went to bed feeling just as annoyed as I did when I blogged - it was awful!! But you're right, it did get better, and I am better today :)

@spaghetti cat - It did cross my mind that the problem might be related to me not being on a really good meal plan. My calorie amounts and everything vary SO much day to day and I'm wondering if that's a bad thing!

@ali - That is an awesome idea...that I will have to try tomorrow. This morning Husbandcake accidentally set the alarm for 4am! lol so there was no way I was getting up then ;)

@miz - Thank you so much :) I never remember, or maybe sometimes never 100% believe, how supportive everyone in my life (especially other bloggers and people I don't know in person) can be!

Anonymous said...

Are you working out daily?
Ive been taking Hydroxycut X and working out for a hour and 15 min for the last 5 days and changed my eating habbits ( im doing weight watchers) drinking a ton of water and cut my salt intake in half and ive lost 3 pounds, I also did a body wrap to help kick start the month.

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