Saturday, June 26, 2010

Gotta Practice What I Preach! yesterday did not go as expected. Everything took much longer than I wanted to and I had completely forgotten that we were meeting my parents for dinner! I was so flustered and running around and then I ate this dinner and spent the whole time beating myself up for eating such unhealthy stuff - but when I got home and gave my best guess at everything I really hadn't done so badly calorie wise.

Here is how I did yesterday:
Burned 2859 calories
Consumed 1442 calories
Deficit of 1417 calories

I love seeing all those high calories burned. It is great, and I am NOT at all sore this morning which means that without a doubt I am getting better at that afternoon walk. A couple of the girls ran part of it yesterday...who knows but with my running training and a couple of months of those walks - maybe I will get there too!!!

It's weird that I sit here and preach about how much you should love yourself and be happy but I have these times during the day that I sit there and am completely down on myself without even registering it. They're called mealtimes - and I am really, truly glad that I realized what I am doing. Is this why sometimes I don't meet the right number of calories? It must be because last night every bite I took I was thinking, I can't believe you are doing this. I can't believe you are eating a fried samosa, I can't believe you are having noodles, did you seriously just not order dessert and take a huge bite of fried banana? Just constantly, a running commentary in my head that was so mean and so undeserved.

I actually said a few things out loud which helped me realize it because at one point Husbandcake was like - ok stop. He doesn't like anyone being mean to me even if it's myself. Which I totally understand. My next step is to turn it around - this cannot be healthy mentally or physically and at the end of the day, one bite of fried banana and two bites of creme brulee is nothing compared to the entire fried banana and vanilla gelato and crushed peanuts I would have eaten if I had ordered my own dessert. I am so happy with myself for what, 22 hours a day? It needs to be 24!

Anyway, I have a ton of stuff to do today but I feel like I'm definitely spending the morning being a little sad. It's hard to bounce back from any kind of mistake and it just takes me a little bit to get over things like that. I'll do better today, I know I can. I will be busy but I will make time for meals and snacks and I will not at all get annoyed with myself for eating!! Hope you all have amazing days :)


Jen Lindstrom said...

I totally understand! Yesterday was the only day for me I didn't beat myself up for what I was eating. It is so hard sometimes to eat healthy and eat the right amount of calories. But sometimes adding some high calories stuff in the day (like a fried banana...mmm sounds't going to completely hurt you. But it is difficult not to be hard on ourselves. We are our worst critic. I think you are doing awesome! Keep up the great work and your Awesome attitude! I love to read your blog cause it helps inspire me to be a better person and keep on the right track! And I know we are all human and have bad days...even more so why I like to read your blog cause you help remind me that we are all human and do all have bad days.

Jen :-)

Marion said...

You are doing a great job. You can not expect to be able to change everything all at once. Those old habits die hard! We all have those moments where we know we shouldnt be doing what we are....and still go through with it! You are doing a great job! Keep it up!

screaming fatgirl said...

You probably already know this, but I think it's important to allow yourself to enjoy some small indulgences throughout the process of losing weight. I think that banishing experiences like the one you had from your life in the interest of weight (or "health") will only make it harder to control yourself.

Your husband is absolutely right. There is no reason to beat yourself up over a few bites of dessert. Savor them. Enjoy the moment fully and spend 98% of your food time eating other things which are instrumental to health and weight loss.

Mae Flowers said...

I can totally relate with this, just look at my post about Saturday! But you're right- we shouldn't beat ourselves up!

Sherri said...

i found your blog today. I'm the same way. I ate tortilla chips at lunch one day and i was mad at myself for the rest of the day. then when I weighed in (2 lbs heavier) I was sure that was the cause. i guess we have to find a way a way to get past these things and not do that to ourselves. I don't usually blog about it is I eat something I shouldn't, maybe I should, then I would realize that I'm not the only one that does it.

KyokoCake said...

@Jen - thank you :) I am always glad in an odd way when I notice I've been putting myself's like having another opportunity to get it right next time I guess!

@Murn - I agee! I have been so impatient lately and I need to take a deep breath and realize that I don't need to lose 40 pounds tomorrow, I just need to lose the weight and keep it off :)

@screaming fatgirl - I think I need to rethink how I approach indulgences, I give them too much importance!! Even when I am okay with them I still feel like they just jump out from my food log even though they're only one small line out of a whole day!

@mae flowers - See this is what helps me so much :) I love having a problem or a success or anything and knowing that whatever it is I'm not going through it alone!!

@sherri - I did the same thing, got home and weighed myself and just was convinced that I'd had oh so much bad stuff that I was going to gain all the weight back and have to start over!

template by