Tuesday, June 1, 2010

It's today!

If there ever was a day to start really becoming committed to weight loss - it is today...this morning I am just eager to get started!!

The thing that has me going and committed is PANTS. I know that sounds weird, but if you know me in person you know that I don't wear pants. More than one person has asked me why and I never exactly know what to say. There are a few easy reasons. First, I'm a girly girl. I like dresses because they are just more girly than pants. Also, they're easy - it's just nice to throw on a dress and be done. Last, one time my husband said to me that I looked so cute in the dress I was wearing and I should wear more. So I bought a few more...and a few more...and realized how comfy I was in them and how much less comfortable skirts and pants are. And I never looked back! People always assume that I started wearing pants because I'm fat and don't like how I look in them, and I'm always happy to correct them.

But now telling people that seems...not genuine enough. In March I went on a business trip. It was extremely last minute (I found out the week before, and in my job I really do not travel at all so it was a big surprise) and there was a bit of a dress code. Three days, all pants. I went shopping that weekend, both Saturday and Sunday, trying on pair after pair of pants - I stopped counting after 40. I had a complete nervous breakdown that included sitting and crying in my car. An all time low, and for someone who usually thinks really highly of herself I was feeling as down as I can ever remember. I should have expected it - after all, I hadn't worn pants in about 3 years, and even though I had recently lost weight, I still was up probably 20 pounds since the last time I'd tried on non-workout pants.

All of that makes me feel like it's so much to tell someone who just is mildly curious, but don't you hate it when people either walk away with the non truth (that wearing dresses is completely unrelated to my weight) or with the wrong idea (that I stopped wearing pants just because I have low self esteem).

I guess what I'm getting at is that 90% of the time I'm all sparkles and giggles about things. About my weight, about my clothes, about everything. But this one comment yesterday just got to me and brought out that 10% who wants to starve myself thin and go overboard with dieting. I'm just glad that this morning I got up with the motivation already there! It's all a balance and I'm glad that part of me that wants to be unhealthy is only a little bit.

Oh and ps, in case you were wondering - I did find pants. And I wore them with not one but two of the most uncomfortable body shapers you can imagine, and despite it being an awesome experience job-wise...it took a long time to feel good about myself again after that experience.

Ok let's move on to something more pleasant. I am starting with a clean slate weight goal, my starting weight being yesterday's and I'm excited to start over!!

Starting weight: 216
Current weight: 216
Goal weight: 120
Weekly goal: I want to walk at least 2 miles or ride the stationary bike 4 miles every day this week! Wish me luck!


Thick 2 Thin said...

I just started my weight loss journey.
I understand how you feel.
Although I want to start wearing dresses :)
I cant wear dresses because I always look pregnant wearing them.
So I wear stretch pants all the time with long shirts.
3 cheers to our lives and our changes.
Im glad I found your blog today.
I hope we both can support this journey and life change we have started.

KyokoCake said...

I completely understand - there are a ton of dresses I wear that I think I look pregnant in, but I think it's just the way I'm shaped so I can't win! I'm so excited though to start to lose this shape :) and I'm glad you found my blog too - can't wait to go check yours out!

template by suckmylolly.com