Friday, June 18, 2010

You're Awesome - Step 1

Yesterday was a complete mess health wise. I came home, pretty much just fell asleep until Husbandcake got home, got up, made an awful(ly delicious high calorie) dinner - cheese tortellini with jar alfredo sauce, and was asleep again by 8:30. It's not actually that weird for me to sleep that much, I barely get any sleep when he's gone and sometimes the relief of having him home just really allows me to relax. I am a little annoyed though, because I had these grand plans of starting my Couch to 5K program last night. Oh well - there's always tonight.

Here is how I did yesterday:
Burned 2295 calories
Consumed 1397 calories
Deficit of 898 calories

I don't know how to beat around the bush so I'm just going to say that it is DISGUSTING how much I used to eat. Tortellini? Fill the bowl, slop on the sauce, just gross. Last night I had one cup of tortellini to see if I would be ok with it, I looked at it and just thought, oh man I'm going to need seconds. Measured out a little bit of sauce and...I was really full. I was full and if I hadn't been paying attention I would have eaten twice as much!! So I am really excited about paying attention to portion sizes :) it's really really helping me along. And I'm glad that I discovered I can eat cheese filled pasta with cream sauce and it's really ok calorie wise as long as it is in moderation!

I have a bunch of new followers today. Hi new followers!! If I'm not following you and you have a blog leave a link! :) I cannot get over how awesome it is to hear all of your stories and I definitely will check it out!

Speaking of awesome, I wanted to talk to you all today about how awesome I am - but in reality I wanted to show you how awesome YOU are. The thing is, last weekend I was talking to my awesome friend (the one who is a brand new mommy, and when I blogged that she was in the hospital in labor, she actually read it and texted me!) and she was saying that she doesn't think everyone gets me. And that's ok but I do want to try to explain myself because I know I come off as slightly (or extremely) conceited. I'm not conceited.  I'm confident - and I want to share my secret with you guys, because I don't have quite enough to say to write a self help book and get gloriously rich doing it!

There are six steps to being as happy with yourself and your life as I am with mine: ignoring idiots, giving yourself credit, setting standards, accepting your faults, being nice to others and improving your life. If you follow those six things, REALLY follow them, you will feel so good about yourself that you almost feel bad for people who aren't you.  But you won't really feel bad for them once you read the last bit about being nice to others.  I'm only going to do one a day for the next week and I hope you enjoy and end up being even a tiny bit happier about yourself.  It would be better though if you end up being EXTREMELY happy with yourself.

Ignoring Idiots...
You will not change the mind of people out there. Neither will I. There is a girl out there who used to be a friend of mine, our friendship fell out over her having too much drama for me to deal with, and her feeling like in my quest for self-improvement I left her behind (that part I take responsibility for, I had left her behind and it was mean of me). Two years after our friendship ended, I was at the wedding rehearsal for a close friend when she egged my car and left tabloids about fat stars on my windshield. I was angry about it, but...I could have felt a lot worse.  I could have cried. I could have felt badly about myself and I could even feel angry now but I don't. Why should I? She's right - I AM FAT. And she's thin. But I have amazing things going for me that she doesn't. I didn't leave a path of unhappiness in peoples' lives when I passed through, and I have never been so unsatisfied with myself that as a grown adult I egged someone's car in a church parking lot during a serious occasion.

Just like that girl, there will be people who will play on your insecurities. They will hopefully not be that obvious about it. But they will be there, and they will point it out if you aren't happy with your weight, your hair, your car, your spouse.  But it doesn't mean you don't have things going for you that are even better. Your friends, your ability to write eloquently, your NICENESS, these are all things that you have to keep in mind. It's more important to me to be smart than it is to have a nice handbag - so if some idiot tries to make you feel inadequate for carrying around your Payless bag, just know that they are complete morons, and you have what is important already.

Let's also not forget about other kinds of idiots.  Sometimes it's not one person egging your car, it's feeling like a huge part of society is against you and making fun of something you have going on. It's enough to make anyone feel defensive! Take the things in your life that you get defensive about and use them to your advantage. I have felt defensive about a great number of things. Defensive about my OCD, the things I have, my marriage...and for awhile it was hard but I realized one day, that instead of defending things that people look down on I'm going to be proud of them and count them among my accomplishments. Yes, I have a mental disorder and sometimes it's really serious - but I'm also extremely organized and dedicated. Yes, I have a bit of an addiction to nice things - but I'm also good at budgeting and not ever using credit cards anymore. Yes, my marriage is actually based on inequality - but I've never known anyone to be happier in a relationship than I am, and I've never for one second thought that Husbandcake was capable of making a decision without thinking of what's best for me and my happiness.

Those things that we get defensive about - our weight/appearance, our jobs, all of that - are not things that make us worse people. That's why our inclination is to defend them. But instead of getting angry that some idiot dared question them, we should all be walking around with an insane amount of confidence in them in the first place.

I'm giving you an assignment today!  Tell me something that you feel defensive about or that someone has insulted you for, and then DEFEND it. You're fat? Tell me why it's not a big deal because you feel great in your top from Lane Bryant that none of those skinny chicks can buy! Someone told you that you have no sense of style?  Tell me why you'd rather have your kids' drawings tacked to the wall than a framed Picasso! I can't wait to hear it!!


spunkysuzi said...

Awesome post!!
A few times in my life i have been told i talk to loud (grew up with deaf grandparents), or i talk to much.
It used to really hurt when someone would say that.
However, i've also been told tons of times how i'm a people person and i could get along with anyone :)
I'm a new follower and my blog is at:

Heather said...

Great post, it really lifted my confidence...
I am defensive about my husband, people always get the impression that he is outspoken & arrogant when in fact they can't stand the fact that he tells it like it is, always the truth, I love him, he takes care of our family while I stay home and take care of the kid with one on the way.

Keep up the great writing, I check in everyday to see what's new with your progress. If you get a chance check out my blog

Anonymous said...

Kyoko I love your blog. And you are spot on on the money, we have to ignore, truly ignore the people out there who only want to bring us down. I am often forced into defensiveness because I dropped out of uni studying law. It wasn't right for me, I don't want to be a lawyer. Now i'm studying to be a police officer- it's what I want to do but I always get told what a 'waste' that is. My happiness, fulfilling my goals, is not a waste

Amy Jo said...

GREAT POST! Love it.

I'm defensive about my "place in life". I've been married for over 5 years, and we are still working through college and living in a lil' apartment. People tell us we should have kids. We should have a house. We should start our "adult" life. Actually,

I'm pursuing my own happiness. I am at a point where I find the greatest joy in being free to do what I want with my husband. Traveling, blowing money on dinner and a movie, not having a mortgage. And the fact is, I think I'm happier than a lot of those people!

Felt good to say that. Thanks. :)

KyokoCake said...

@Suzi - I've definitely been told I'm loud too! I always feel like saying, hey maybe you're just too quiet!! ;) but you're right that being friendly is a billion times more important than being quiet!

@Heather - It never ceases to amaze me how people can call someone mean when they're just straightforward. Tell your husband I said he's an awesome person too for taking care of things so you can stay home!

@C - I can't imagine what could be LESS of a waste of time than keeping people safe by being a police officer - you're amazing!!

@Amy Jo - When I read that I was like "AAAAAAAAAHHHH" because I agree SO MUCH. For me it's all about the kids. I am looking forward to being a mom...LATER. For now though life is too great to shake things up that much!!

Sarah said...

My parenting, I'm doing it my way to the best of my ability and there is nothing wrong with that as long as the kids are happy & well adjusted.


screaming fatgirl said...

I have endeavored through the years to stop defending myself against such things or feeling defensive. Allowing the opinions of others to get your back up when those opinions are of no consequence essentially empowers them. Defending your life in any way only betrays your insecurities and chinks in your armor and makes it easier for them to attack you that much more.

I tend to just dismiss the people who judge and attack. I always figure that if their lives are so small that they have nothing better to do than preoccupy themselves with the choices I've made or my weight, then they're pretty small people who must lead relatively sad and empty lives. On those rare occasions when they rise above my contempt (as most people who objectify and ridicule me automatically obtain the status of "dirt" to me), they deserve my pity for betraying their own insecurity by attempting to elevate themselves at my expense.

KyokoCake said...

@Sarah - I agree, there are a billion and a half ways to parent and everyone has to find their own way! :)

@screaming fatgirl - Yes! That's definitely what I'm saying, to work towards a place where you just don't care what other people think. I do think though that it can be a difficult process for a lot of people, and a lot of us have heard so many times that we are bad or wrong in some way that it's hard to have the confidence to overcome it. But I know that we all, or at least everyone I've come across since I started blogging, is great enough that they shouldn't be affected by any bs that people throw their way. They just don't realize it yet!

Spaghetti Cat said...

LOVE this post!
I don't really read you as conceited but it seems we have much more in common then I thought.

I grew up much differently then almost anyone I know. The things I went through as a child shaped who I am and I would never, ever change them because I do like who I am.

I have a similar kind of view- generally I am able to see people being angry or mean to me and i see it is just a reflection of where their life is right now and very little to do with me.

Alright, homework time :P

People have made fun of me for not having brand new or designer things. However I have always been great at making non name brand things (regardless of what they are!) I can get the same thing used, pay half or less and love it just as much, and still have money in the bank!

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